Lets Play Scientist.

I find myself aimlessly wandering the internet in search of something good to read tonight. There’s seems to be so much out there, yet something you want to find (or are looking for) seems to be so far out of reach. Google is a great tool but it’s difficult to find what you’re looking for if you don’t exactly know what that thing may be.

Lets Play Scientist
Are people who breathe deeper (take deep breaths on a regular basis) smarter than those who breathe shallow?

Those who breathe deeper get more oxygen to their brain and those who breathe shallow deprive their brain from getting its full amount of oxygen.. so does that mean the way we breathe determines our IQ?

Lets think about this... Oxygen to the brain.
The brain requires approximately 3.3 ml of oxygen per 100 g of brain tissue per minute.
Our brain weighs 2% of our total body weight.

So, what happens when the brain gets less than the required amount?

If the brain gets less than the amount of oxygen it needs, blood starts to rush upwards to help carry more oxygen through the brain, although that can only do so much.
If that doesn't help, symptoms of cerebral hypoxia will begin to appear.

Cerebral Hypoxia? (Oxygen levels in brain tissue, not blood)
Wikipedia it please, ill give you a moment.
This is what happens to those who do not get enough oxygen into the brain.

So, what happens when the brain gets more than the required amount?

Simple. Oxygen toxicity.
Go ahead, read about that one as well.. if your really that interested... (well hell! I sure was!)

Too much oxygen and not enough carbon dioxide creates an agitated state. You need to keep yourself balanced. Too much carbon dioxide and not enough oxygen can make you feel tired and depressed. In extreme cases, a restricted supply of oxygen can lead to anxiety, panic attacks, and even phobias!

So this blows my mind.. It makes me feel like I don't know how to breathe, and if I feel tired, am I just not breathing right?

Things like this really make you think... but we never really answered my original question!

""Are people who breathe deeper (take deep breaths on a regular basis) smarter than those who breathe shallow?""

We just found out what happens when the extreme takes place.

Although I cant find anything on google, give it a try... lets see what YOU come up with.

Why Hello There

Hi!

Alright this is just going to be a quick "update" blog to let everyone know whats going on with me and my shit!

First off, most importantly: Vote For Me Here
I want everyone to go to this site, and vote "yes" for me, and "no" for everyone else! I can win first and last months rent for when i move out and it would be a fantastic help with my finances and such for school next year! (you can vote every day)

Secondly: Check out my BlogTV page by clicking here
I will be going LIVE on BlogTV every other day to help remind everyone to vote! Voting ends on June 15th so make sure you stop by my show from time to time before voting ends! Its all fun and games there so don't forget to check when my next scheduled show is! (There is one tonight at 8:30pm EST)

Lastly, THANK YOU! for leaving me such great comments on my blog page, i epically love this one:

Sex said:
Let's have it.

Keep up the great comments! I read them all!

Lets Try This Again (2nd Blog Entry in One Day)

Alright, the last entry just did not feel right to me. Let’s try this again.

I went to the biggest mall in the universe (which happens to be an hour and a half away from my house) this weekend with my younger sister to have some "sisterly bonding time" and help her find a graduation dress. She’s graduating from grade8 and making her way into high school next year and while she was trying on a bunch of dresses it really hit me.

We are growing up, getting old, and moving on. It’s insane.

It feels like it came so quickly! And I wasted a lot of time hoping this time in my life would come sooner.

We bought popcorn from kernels, which I’m currently stuffing my face with and I even got a new pair of glasses for free... Which was 110% unintentional... Tried them on at Le Chateau, and walked right out not even realizing they were still on my face...

Amanda never noticed either... and we both laughed when we realized an hour later that I was still wearing them. I would have never paid 20$ for them.. they don’t even protect my eyeballs from the sun! But i have to admit.. they are a pretty funky color.



P.s. There is a new comment box to the right... id appreciate some feedback!

P.s. (2) While I was cutting my dad's hair on the deck today I heard our kitten bunny meowing... She must have gotten outside and chased something last night because I pulled her out from under the deck and her paws were muddy.

Poor girl.

The 10 of Hearts

(This Blog has been temporary removed... Sorry guys, it doesn't fit at all right now.. and i feel under pressure to write to you! Jesus!)

Fine and Mellow

Billie Holiday on vinyl, and an ugly roots sweater (and I assure you its ugly!) that’s not even my own, I find myself back on the balcony at the apartment I seem to have grown mighty fond of.

The air is frigid. Yesterday seemed like spring, but today there’s been snow, and the air is dry and tasteless, winter. Although I still put myself through the freezing finger pain and sit on the balcony with my laptop in my lap typing yet again to no one, yet everyone. The warm computer screen melts the snow that hits it. It’s nice, but probably bad for the computer.

I can’t wait for it to be summer, probably for all the wrong reasons. I just want to be able to go for a walk without having to bundle up, Laziness.

I bought cheese today, yes cheese. No, not ice cream... cheese. So unlike me. But I figured at one on the morning if I felt nibbly I could just cook me up some grilled cheese and call it a night. I do that sometimes, when my parents are asleep. Not in the way your thinking. I don’t grill it on the main floor, where the stove is. I use my cute little hot plate and bring all the shit downstairs and cook away. I wonder if they can smell it while they sleep.

And what if they could? Would they begin to dream of food? Grilled cheese, macaroni and cheese, and whatever else smells like cheese. I guess that’s something I have yet to experience. I’m sure if bacon was cooking and I happened to be sleeping beside the stove, I would be up in an instant with my mouth open “feed me!”

Hm. I wonder if these journals will ever come in handy one day. When I went to College they sure did. We had “journal” assignments where we had to express our feeling and thoughts about the days in class, and the shows we went to see.

I never wrote about class, or shows.

I copy ad pasted all my facebook notes and handed in a big pile that I edited to make look like they were for the class, when really they weren’t.

You see now, the thing is, I can’t be told to write every day. I can’t be told my “writing schedule”. When Im told when and how to write, I feel rebellious and decide not to do it until last minute and pull something phenomenal out of my ass. This, by the way, is what I did.

The teachers couldn’t get over my writing skill and commented on how well I was at keeping things simple and easy to read but I assure you they were not happy about the fact that I didn’t mention a thing about the program or how I felt about it. Other than my one journal about an incident we had during the first month of class.

I got a good mark, the teachers got something different to read, and we were both happy. I’m actually surprised it worked. But these seem to be getting longer than I want. I’m going to try to shorten these entries. 530 words seem to be ridiculous.

Lets Be Serious Now

What kind of human being can sleep at 3am? I guess all the normal ones. As my fingers freeze while I type I can’t help but wonder what a normal life is like. What is considered “normal” anyways? Waking up and going to work for 8am, then working till 5pm, to come home to your perfect significant other and well behaved daughter and son, with a home cooked dinner on the table? Is the American Dream something that we all strive for? What if it’s something I don’t want?

90 words, 20 minutes. I would be terrible at essays.

I was always told I should become a writer, and each day it is becoming clearer than before. Curled up in my jacket, listening to some Gabriella Cilmi on the 14^th floor of a cute little apartment building at 3am writing something for nothing. Something for closure, but what kind of closure am I looking for? Why do I continue to write down thoughts and feelings I have if they are only going to be posted on pages like facebook and blogspot. Wasted words. Maybe one day I will look back and read these and remember how I felt when I typed such things, or how cold my toes were.

Or maybe these journals will make their way into a book one day. I wouldn’t mind seeing an entry like this in chicken soup, I see those books everywhere. Just more wasted words, but this time in a bestselling novel that people buy as gifts for others. They never actually get read. I owned four and can’t say I read one word other than the title on the front, but we did own them... I guess that’s something.

Maybe these entries will find themselves in a writing portfolio one day. I’ll be applying for a magazine I love, and ill sneak this sucker into one of my collections to show them a little bit of who I am, or where I come from, although this journal has not really been any of those things.

Maybe this will be one of those things I never get around to saving. One of those “for my eyes only”

What kind of human being can’t get to sleep at 3am?
Wasted Words.

Take a Deep Breath In, and Release it.

I find myself aimlessly wandering the internet in search of something good to read tonight. There’s seems to be so much out there, yet something you want to find seems to be so far out of reach. Google is a great tool but it’s difficult to find what you’re looking for if you don’t exactly know what that may be.

Tonight, along with every other night, is yoga night. I have somewhat been out of my funk lately and have missed a few nights of yoga. Maybe its because iv been feeling happier and happier about my body and the way it looks. Or maybe i have been distracted by something slightly more entertaining? Who knows...

The program i do yoga to is on at 3:30am and is called Breathing Space Yoga.

I also downloaded various programs from torrent sites, including "Earth and Fire Yoga" and "Better Sex Through Yoga" that i have yet to watch, but ill let you know how it goes when i do.

I always find my mind wandering while doing yoga. Maybe its the beautiful set they have, or the crazy poses they pull, but i have always wanted to make love in that setting. Let me take a moment to describe it to you.

They are outside, everything is pristine. They are on some sort of gazebo. There are white sheets or drapes hanging from each wall and they are blowing in the wind. They are all on lovely yoga mats (but usually i replace that with a bed or a hammock, something nice...). There are ferns hanging from each corner of the gazebo and where the wind blows the drapes you can see a lake of some sorts.

Its very peaceful... Maybe thats why i have only seen it used in yoga, and not in porn. Who knows.

Discovery Walk.

Right now, for some reason, I feel like people never really get to see who I really am or what im all about. I'm not quite sure how to word what I want to say properly, but i can try. I just feel like there's "more". I feel like im "more" than just a cute little blond hair blue eyed girl who has a funny thing, or two, to say. I feel like, the people who really do know me for who I really am are either to far away or have lost my trust because of numbers of incidents that i just cant seem to wrap my head around.

I want to show you who I am, i want to go on crazy adventures in the snow. I want to call you and tell you about my day, my life, my thoughts, my feelings!
I think i said this once before... but don't flatter yourself.. this is not about you.

Well there are two crazy kids running around with my cellphone taking pictures.. ill finish this note later...


Oh great, one of them almost just put my scarf in the toilet! "bee look! Its like spaghetti"

Edit:

Anyways what was I saying? You know what really bothers me... i and I. why do we even bother with the lower case.. if I say:
i want ice cream, i love it! (wrong)
I want ice cream, I love it (right!)

Its the upper I's and the lower i's i don't know! I i I i i! eye eye!
stupid.

I don't know where the men these days get their common sense. I went on a date with a boy once, we kissed, and he then asked me if he could pull out his penis and jack off.

Honestly, what the fuck.

Someone carry me away please, i don't want to be left behind or in the dark. Where have all the decent people gone?

I always looks for the prefect picture, to capture what im feeling when i write these.

One of Those, One of These

So i feel like writing, but you see, i have absolutely nothing and at the same time absolutely everything to say here.

Have your eyes ever started to burn because of the computer screen? Mine have, mine are. Turn down the brightness, it usually helps. 50% should due.

The Only Moment We Were Alone - Explosions In the Sky

So i have listened to this on a loop for the past hour, which seems like forever. And i want to write lyrics, but we come back to the " i have nothing, yet everything to say"

I cant exactly say its writers block, because you see, i am still writing. I just haven't really say a whole lot in the past 111 words i have typed.

In that case, i guess i should get going with this writing business. Cut to the chase, as some would say. Let me tell you a story then, since this song is running through my head, and someone mentioned pasta, which got me thinking even more. Old pasta actually. Its amazing. No, not "it". "I", yes I am amazing. Sometimes i don't understand the things i do.

When i was in college, there was nothing around to eat other than pasta (which was fine, im a big fan) I cooked the pasta, but way to much of it, so i just ate what i could and set the rest aside on my desk, pondering weather or not i could muster up the strength to put it in the fridge where usually food belongs after your done picking through it.

Well i never got around to doing it, and that pasta sat for two whole days. Two days on a dusty desk, in a messy room, that seemed to always smell like dirty socks (i don't know why, i DID do my laundry... from time to time)

Oh it had just crossed my mind as of now.
I hope you are listening to that song that i had posted. It IS 10 minutes long, so im sure once you are finished reading this it should be somewhere in the middle.

Anyways back to the pasta. I don't believe in wasting things, and at 2am, old pasta thats been sitting on a desk for a few days does look quite appealing, so i did what a basic lower class teenage boy would have done! (not saying i am one, just that i may act like one at points)

Yes, i did. I took the pasta and put it in the microwave, zapped it, and ate the entire bowl. (at least what was left of it.) And since i knew it was something disgusting to do, i enjoyed it that much more. The pasta did taste fantastic, and it wasn't moldy, so i was safe.

Im sure a few years from now i will be told by my doctor that i have some rare disease that only comes by when you eat 2 day old pasta that's been sitting out in a dirty sock smelling room, and you can only contract the disease if you zap the pasta in the microwave for 53 seconds on high.

Im fucked.

I thought this needed to be captured.

Its Been A While....

Since I’ve done this.
And by this, I mean a journal entry.
I’m rusty.

I’m here. I’m alive!
Hello world.

I have learned a lot about myself over the past few months that I have never ever thought about before. In less than a couple months, I have dropped down to the lowest I could have ever gone, and even when I thought it couldn't get any worse, things still seemed to still be going wrong. I gave up, and after time I eventually lost myself.

So, Brittanie, where does this all begin? Where do these thoughts and feelings come from you may ask? Well let me tell you in short (at least at this point, I want it to be short)

After a while, school started to go downhill. Not in the way you’re thinking... I still went to class, and did my work, but it was easy, and I found other things to do with my time. Just for the record, I did pass, and (might I add!) with mighty fine grades. Anyways, I felt like I had lost all the people that I had called friends, and even the ones I was so very close to before I came to college, felt like they had drifted farther and farther away.

I hated living in residence, it honestly felt like a prison, and since I know not a good percentage of people younger than me have been to prison let me go into more detail. It’s nice to go on vacation? I suppose we would all agree on this. I do travel a lot and maybe for some people "living" in a hotel like place with key cards is ideal, but for me, a place I want to call home, calls for a set of keys. Sign in your guests? "I don't think so" if I'm paying a shit load of money to stay there, I want to be able to have whoever I want over, and not have to pay $5 to have them stay the night!

*rant*

White walls, long halls, lonely nights, cable TV that I had only watched once since I got there, and internet so slow, I had to wait three days for a movie to download just so I could entertain myself. Basically to sum it up, residence was the shits and it didn't help that I had a roommate that would talk about me on msn to all her little friends. I'm sure I’ll come back and edit this one day, go into more detail, but I promised myself above that this was going to be short!

Anyways, continuing on.

After a while I started to cry every night. I had never felt so alone and afraid in my life. This is where I would like to thank TWLOHA and the Kids help line. When no one else was there for me, they were, and listening to someone I didn't even know, talk about absolutely nothing for at least a half hour actually cheered me up. I hated being by myself. I was depressed, and I didn't want to admit it.

So I started spending my time elsewhere, which I think is when I was given signs, you know the ones people think "god" give them, but since I don't really believe "god" I kind of just ignored it, and thought that things would eventually end up the way they end up (which by the way, is exactly what happened). All I did was cook and clean, and cook and then clean... and then occasionally cook, and then go to best buy every once and a while.

Then I went to San Francisco, where I came across a little something called hope and dreams. It didn't last long though, because soon enough I was back where I started and I felt like my life was a dead end. I was medically diagnosed with Situational depression, and started taking pills.

I lost control; I didn't know who I was. After a while things just got worse (but they always get worse before they get better, which is what I'm told) I ended up moving out of residence. I didn't get kicked out, like some of you may think, I just simply couldn't take it anymore, there was nothing there for me. After that, my life became routine, boring, and robotic.

Okay so right now your thinking "shit, so much for a short blog" Well I do apologize, I didn't mean for it to be THIS long, it’s just a lengthy story, and I kind of need to get it all out.

So, what pushed me over the edge? What was it that made me realize that there were so many life opportunities and so many people out there that would die to take me out to dinner?

Well, at the end of my run, my best friend, someone that was always there for me, decided they no longer wanted to be, and it had happened to me around that time of year, where people are supposed to come together, to be together. The only thing I was holding on so tightly to have slipped through my fingers, and I was left with nothing.

But surprisingly, even at the most unlikely times, life can completely turn around, and start again. A new chapter, a new year, a merry Christmas.

I ended it with my boyfriend, and I can say I don't regret any of the choices I have made, even when I was depressed or "down and out" as you might like to say. The choices I have made, and the things I have said are all done and over with, and I can start a new "chapter" in my life.

I'm not going back to school. I'm meeting a boy. I’m going on a road trip. I'm raising money for charity. I am back, and I am doing what’s most important, living my life.

Divide Time.

Confession: I need a certain amount of human interaction and affection a day. When I'm alone all day I get terribly depressed. Its weird. I just hate running my thoughts in circles. I confuse myself and just get angry for no reason. Mental much.

I can't sleep with my closet doors open because I've always been afraid there's someone watching me from there, waiting for me to fall asleep. Good thing residence doesn't have closets!

Corey and I have spent lots of time together lately, so I'm trying to get all my stuff done now.Its been fun, but we seem to be on a different track. The phrase ``out of sync`` comes to mind. It makes me sad that we are going to need to actually put aside time to reconnect. I wish things were easier sometimes.

Iv been thinking today about calculator watches. I mean, its interesting. Who really wears them anymore and are they really that useful. I cant really come to any conclusions though, i dont even wear a watch that just tells time let alone does math for you.

hm.. i think ill look into purchasing one.


I always edit these after i have posted them...

How Do You Fix Something This Broken?

I love you?

Three words that can change someones life as well as your own. I love you. Love... hm..

My description of "Love" is that it's the most important and fulfilling emotion that we will ever feel. It is the strongest feeling i have ever felt and iv only experienced it a few times. Its so overwhelming and powerful that in the moment you feel it, the moment it hits you, you feel as if you own the world. But could this be real? can it be? Love is like a continually shattering mirror that always leaves behind images etched in people's hearts; but it will remain a mystery forever. Many people give themselves over to this mystery, but while love can produce the most tender and delicate feelings in anyone's soul, it alone can open a window in the hearts of a very few.

Im at a loss of words today and im sorry i cant write much more.

Lets Create a Time Machine

I wish we could just be happy again, like before. When i used to sit at your bed and you'd play me a new song you learned, or sit in the car and watch the moon turn red during the eclipse. But things change, people grow, and life gets hard. The most important thing is to get through it, and do the best you can.

Sometimes i wonder why things happen the way they do. I am sitting here from my computer desk at home, in Welland, and in three days ill be sitting on my bed, with my new sheets and new laptop, writing a note or doing a blogTV show, from Oakville.

Today, i can tell you i have never been more excited and sad to be leaving home all at the same time. And you might be thinking "what?!, your last blog said you hated life" or whatever i wrote about that day... Well i never go back and read what i have written. Someone once told me when they record something or make a video, once they are happy with it they post it and never watch it again.

I do that with the notes i write.

I was watching Tyra Banks the other day on TV. A therapist was helping young people with their odd habits and addictions. One girl came on the show with her husband. She has one child and shes 19 years old. She missed her prom, graduation, and most of her last months of school for this baby she now has. Her problem was, she couldn't stop crying.

I sat back and watched this, watched the therapist talk about it... and something he said just made so much sense to me that it hasn't left.

"A setback is a setup for a comeback"

It just makes sense right now.
I dont know.


I am me.
Is it possible?
Can it be done?
To capture Joy
Loves smile begun
Tender hands
Safe and secure
Memories of home
Love is here, and more...
- unknown

On The Hill Top, I Sit to Think.

I saw my sister for the last time today. Shes going up north with my cousins this entire week. She left today... or yesterday... and wont be home till Friday night, Which is funny because i leave Friday morning. We just hugged and didn't really say anything... I told her to have fun up north and we gave each other disgusting kisses on the cheek and i left for work.

It still doesn't feel like I'm leaving. It just feels like I'm stuck here forever, which is how i have felt my entire life. Its strange...



After nine days I let the horse run free by soleá.
On the first part of the journey
I was looking at all the life
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
There was sand and hills and rings
The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz
And the sky with no clouds
The heat was hot and the ground was dry
But the air was full of sound

I've been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
La, la ...

After two days in the desert sun
My skin began to turn red
After three days in the desert fun
I was looking at a river bed
And the story it told of a river that flowed
Made me sad to think it was dead

You see I've been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
La, la ...

After nine days I let the horse run free
'Cause the desert had turned to sea
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
there was sand and hills and rings
The ocean is a desert with it's life underground
And a perfect disguise above
Under the cities lies a heart made of ground
But the humans will give no love

You see I've been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
La, la ...
Written by Dewey Bunnell

(8)

I never knew that on MSN this: (8) meant a music note...

So the other day i got in a car accident. I am not going to sit here and explain exactly what happened but let me just tell you it was my fault, and in no way, shape, or form could i have ever prevented this accident from happening. What i am getting to is well... we don't know if my vehicle is going to get fixed, or if insurance is going to tell us to get a new one.

I don't want a new one! I want my one! My car! My Buick! My BABY! My first car ever. It might sound strange to you... to not want a new car... but step inside my shoes for a minute.

My Buck, my green Buick century, once my grandparents, my very first car in my entire lifetime is scrunched up and looks like a piece of crumpled tin foil that's been ripped and stomped on.

Less than a year and i might have to already get a new vehicle? I don't think so.

Anyways MOVING ON! Yesterday at Canada's Wonderland i did all the rides that i never thought about going on before.. because they never looked like that much fun. Well it was a basic don't judge a book by its cover lesson because those wooden rides are the most fun i have ever had in my entire lifetime. Even though my boobs seemed to fly left and right it was still fun lol!

Bah i move in less than two weeks! 8 days! I went shopping and got lots of stuff... I just don't feel like writing anymore right now... Ill talk to you guys later... tomorrow...